The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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