i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
