Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
