I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
