Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
