so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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