My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A+ Viking dick
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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