you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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