Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
