VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I smell like Dick and happiness
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
