so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
