We're facebook friends in real life
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
