I'm gonna have a badass scar
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
