Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
