i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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