Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize