He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
