Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
