my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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