I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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