i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
