remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
