You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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