I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
