I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
