Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
