I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
