You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When are your genitals available?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
