the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
