I wanna passion pit in your ass
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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