Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
