On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
