Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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