I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
