whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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