break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
