So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
