Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
