she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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