Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
