Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
