His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He better not be in your backpack
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
