is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
