Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
