Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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