in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
