From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
