my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
