She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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