I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
